Handling People Who are Rude to Your Family

Everywhere you go people are invading your family’s space with foul language, obnoxious behavior, cigarette and cigar smoke, obscenity, and a host of things that you would prefer to shield your family from.  You don’t have to back down or run away when you encounter these people.
It is nearly impossible to avoid rude people these days.

The first and most obvious way to avoid confrontation with rude people is to only take your family to “family-friendly” places.  If you are hanging out in a bar at 11:00pm with your children, you should probably consider leaving rather than asking everyone to quiet down and stop drinking.  Then later, evaluate why you were there with your children in the first place.  I know, this scenario sounds absurd, but I witness it all the time.  In a family-friendly environment, people are more polite and more tolerant of children’s mischief.  Usually these places are smoke-free, don’t serve alcohol, and typically don’t tolerate obscene behavior.  This, in itself, is a deterrent for a large part of the crowd that you are trying to avoid while spending family time.

Be prepared because no matter where you take your family, you will eventually encounter people who have no regard for others and these are the ones you have to make the decision whether to confront or avoid.  The easy thing to do is to pick up your family and move away from them or leave rather than try to correct the situation, but this approach teaches your children to run away from problems rather than handle them.  Also, this person may be causing discomfort to a lot of other people and will continue to do so until their behavior is corrected.  They should be stopped!

Evaluate each situation for what it is.  Is the offending person breaking a rule of the establishment that you are visiting or are they violating any law?  Is their behavior affecting other people?  Is your family’s safety or health threatened because of this person?  If confrontation is the solution you choose, establish friendly contact with the person and remind them that they are in a family environment and ask that they refrain from whatever it is that they are doing.  Don’t use obscenities or insults and don’t project threatening body language.  Be polite and speak in a firm voice, but don’t be loud and try to draw attention.  If you embarrass the person right away, they may retaliate against you for that reason alone.  The person may be unaware that their behavior is offensive and you don’t want to be perceived as the obnoxious one.  If they apologize and stop their behavior, return to your family and try to avoid contact with the person for the remainder of your visit.  Do not discuss what just happened with your family until you are completely out of that environment.

If the person disregards you or is rude to you, then do a second evaluation.  Is this person stronger or more physically fit than you?  Could they possibly have a weapon?  Are you outnumbered?  If any of these situations are true, then you should choose your next move wisely.  It is not worth sustaining bodily harm or going to jail for a stupid mistake.  If you have an obvious advantage over the person, repeat your request and inform them that if their behavior does not improve immediately, you will seek assistance from security or a manager of the establishment.  If these people are not available or if the person seems unimpressed, then take your mobile phone from your pocket and call the police.  Inform the person that you are calling the police as you walk away, but be careful to watch your back.  The thought of being arrested may influence the offender to move on or it may cause the situation to escalate quickly.

Do not assault the person or threaten them under any circumstance!  If they attack you, then you are welcome to defend yourself and any witnesses to the event will surely corroborate your story if the authorities are involved at a later time.  Just be careful not to take on more than you can handle.  Your family’s safety is absolutely your top priority and you should avoid all of this if possible, but at some point, you have to make a stand and say “enough is enough” or rude people will gradually taint every enjoyable family establishment available to the rest of us.

Teaching Others Good Social Behavior

Don’t be discouraged when you encounter people who aren’t courteous to you.  Teach them the right way to act by setting an example of good social behavior.  You may just be the person who changes their life for the better.

Do your best to be a good person all day; every day.  Be the kind of person that you wish everyone else was.  It’s hypocritical to complain about the way that other people behave if you act the same way.  Start by wearing a smile instead of a frown.  Even a smirk will do.  It’s contagious.  Be friendly and complimentary of people.  Say kind things whether they are deserved or not.  Be the first person to speak when you encounter someone new, whether it’s a salesperson or a random stranger that you pass in the grocery store.  People are affected by compliments, whether they acknowledge it outwardly or not.  A kind and gentle word from you can make a world of difference to someone who is having an otherwise bad day.  Do the same thing for your family and friends.  Pick something about that person; their appearance or something good about their character, and give them a little praise or just tell them how much you appreciate them.

Stay aware of your surroundings.  Each time you walk through a doorway look ahead and then behind you and hold the door for the next person.  Let people with fewer items ahead of you while waiting in a check-out line.  Always watch where you are going so that you don’t bump into people and be sure to look behind you when you’re walking backwards.  If you are pushing a shopping cart around a store, park it in strategic ways so that it will not block other people who wish to pass.  If someone near you drops something, pick it up and give it back to them.  Offer to help children, the elderly, or those with limited abilities to reach something on a high shelf or to carry something that is too heavy for them to handle.

Drive like every car around you is transporting someone you care about.  Don’t cut people off or give nasty hand gestures.  Give people, especially motorcycles plenty of room by allowing a safe following distance.  When you stop in a line of traffic, be sure not to block entrances and exits.  Leave enough space for people to pass.  Drive slow and safe through parking lots and if you see people about to cross in front of you, allow a few extra seconds for them to cross safely.  Don’t try to speed up and get by before they step in front of you.  When parking your car, check before you walk away from it to see if you are parked correctly.  Use your horn only in the worst scenarios.  If people around you do stupid things, take a deep breath and forgive them rather than acting out on your anger to make sure they get your point.

Don’t talk louder then you need to in restaurants or stores.  Do not use foul language in public unless you are seriously injured and then it’s forgivable in small doses.  Do not talk on your mobile phone while performing a business transaction.  This includes sales counters and drive thru’s.  If your phone rings during a transaction, silence it, wait until you’re done and then return the call.  If you are a smoker, be courteous of other people and choose the places you smoke carefully.  I realized soon after I quit smoking just how bad second hand smoke imposes on non-smokers.  Don’t leave messes for other people to clean up.  This includes restaurants, restrooms, stores, and other people’s homes.

By setting a good example and following these simple suggestions, you could influence more people than you’ll ever realize.  People may even imitate some of your good habits unintentionally.  Even the most minor improvements are a step in the right direction.   Learning to truly forgive is the best thing you can do to help you stay on the right track.