It seems so cliché to say that men and women do not think
alike, but many couples would benefit from acknowledging these
differences.
Knowing what to say and how
to say it can mean the difference in an amicable resolution and a terrible
fight.
It is important for a husband to comprehend, not only his
wife’s most pressing concerns, but to dig deeper and find out how these
problems affect her emotionally. Men
tend to approach solving problems in the same way that they tackle challenges
at work; identify the problem, brainstorm solutions, and fix it. This works very well for handling many of
life’s challenges, but certainly not all of them. A woman expects her man to automatically adapt
to each problem, consider how it affects her on a personal level, and handle it
carefully and appropriately. A man would
rather solve a problem quickly, get it behind him, and move on to happier
things. This is where things get a
little tricky.
In order to communicate effectively, both men and women have
to compromise to some extent. Husbands
need to spend more time learning what makes their wife tick and be able to
identify which things are most important to her so that he can carefully match them
with any corresponding problems as they arise.
Women need to be patient and realize that not every problem will receive
a perfect and timely solution. Sometimes,
it’s acceptable to leave a few things broken in order to address larger
problems.
Both a husband and a wife need to use appropriate dialog
when speaking to each other. For
example, “Would you mind cleaning up the living room?” is perfectly
acceptable. “You never pick up anything
in here! Look at this mess! I always have to do everything and all you do
is walk in and throw your junk on the floor and leave it for me to clean up!”
is a little harsh. While both phrases
will probably get the job done, the latter will lead to aggravation and
probably an exchange of vicious words.
Don’t speak in generalities. Just
because your husband overlooks something, don’t berate him and tell him that he
doesn’t care. Avoid using the words
“always” and “never.” Do they really
apply? Speak in a thoughtful manner and
if you are addressing a specific concern with your husband, make the
conversation about that and don’t jump around and try to include everything
that he’s ever done to irritate you.
This will confuse and aggravate him every time because he won’t know for
certain which problem is bothering you the most. Rather than try to fix everything at one time,
it is easier for him to retreat.
No matter what problems occur or what difficulties a couple
faces, they should commit to several important things to get through to the
other side. Don’t let the sun go down on
your problems. Make the start of each
day a good one. If something is
bothering you in the evening, don’t go to bed angry. At least try to resolve it before you sleep
and if you can’t, then declare a truce and resume the argument later. Don’t leave the house in a fit of rage. Many people get into fights and one person
jumps in the car and screeches off. It
is not safe to drive when you are in a heightened emotional state. If you need a break from each other, go to
separate ends of the house or go outside and get some fresh air, but don’t
drive away. Don’t use cheap insults when
speaking to each other and try not to say things you don’t mean just to hurt
each other’s feelings. When the smoke
clears and you settle down, things like that tend to leave uncertainty and
weird vibes between people.
Speak to each other the way that you would like to be spoken
to. Don’t be condescending or mean. If you find that it is impossible to have
civilized conversations with your spouse, you should seriously question whether
your relationship is meant to last. If
you are at this point, seek professional help from a licensed family counselor.
